I've been gone (from this site) for a long time. A very long time. A few months at least.
The last journal I wrote held within it a string. A string attached to a big ball of yarn in which the real work was to begin.
I was hesitant at first, but after the initial tug, I kept pulling it to the point where my whole reality seems to have unraveled.
I've spent this entire year undoing 18 previous years of programming and still have more work to do. One year searching for the one thing I never truly lost; my freedom.
And now I stand before the the gate.
I have literally given up my life for this. Everything that I thought made me me. My friends, the support of my mother, my 'church', the respect of others, my hopes and dreams, and ultimately, my SELF.
With the things I've learned over the past few months, I'm not surprised nor am I sad that all those things were given up. I basically doused myself in spirituality, aliens, UFO's, matrix, human society, law of attraction, manifesting, channelings, angels, demons, ghosts, astral projection/out-of-body experiences, God, Jesus, Satan, Heaven and Hell, the universe, reality, the subconscious, the future of humanity, psychics, consciousness, and ultimately, Enlightenment.
A virtual path laden with landmines and sinkholes of possible misinformation, illusions, delusions, truths, lies and more. This was clearly way beyond being an artist or a writer. This was about the very core of my being. Which I found out, is actually an illusion. But I kept digging, never sticking to one belief or a supposed master; I kept pulling that string, I kept digging downwards, and now I'm on the other side. A new reality (figuratively and literally) where I know for a FACT that I'm a free human being. A reality which renders almost that entire previous list ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT. Though I have astral projected several times (and it's really cool), that and the rest of the list (save consciousness and Enlightenment) is just a distraction from actual experience and observation, which I have yet to really get into, because I've been reading about it this whole time. Consider it self-education before the field test. But I imagine that when I do come into my personal freedom, it'll be as if I'm a child again with no notion of limitation; free in the purest sense of the word. What I call spirit. Our human birthright.
And I bet now I sound crazy...
But the awakening that I described in my previous post, was just a glimpse; a tip of the iceberg of what's to come when I become fully conscious. There's no turning back now. I don't want to go to college; I don't want a 'job'; I don't even want to live at home anymore. I've lost interest in TV and most forms of entertainment, as I have seen the endlessness of it; there will always be a new show to watch, an new anime coming out, a new manga or comic, Youtube video, or movie to keep up with. It's a never-ending trap that has kept me comfortable and complacent for far too long and I feel it's best that I should distance myself from most of it and start living life.
I'm also no longer a Christian and have thus taken up swearing. So, yeah. Fuck.
I'm no longer anything, really. I don't believe in anyone or anything, and I don't identify with any social group, occupation, or religion, so naturally that includes being an artist or a writer. It doesn't mean I'll stop drawing or writing. It just means that I'm now just some guy who produces artwork or writing pieces occasionally or frequently (who knows). My dreams don't control me and I'm not bound by my identifications anymore. And if I still am, it's only a matter of time before I snuff that out too.
NO, this is not some new religion, belief system, or spiritual bullshit. I cut straight through all of that stuff and have naturally just ended up here. It's just the way I am now. Not by force but by being. The things I've learned almost completely invalidate science, religion, politics, and almost everything learned in any from of 'schooling'. I know that sounds crazy, but to those who have actually questioned EVERYTHING, it make perfect sense. To everyone else (99% of the population of earth) I'm just a dumb 19-year-old.
But trust me (or don't) when I say this; everything you know is a LIE. This is red pill, blue pill stuff, man. The things I now know I can't unknow, and the vast majority of it is, ironically irrelevant.
But on the plus side airbenders and waterbenders, exist! Not as cool as in Avatar: TLA, but look up Aerokinesis or Hydrokinesis and prepare to have your mind blown.
This world isn't what you think.
I have no need to really read anymore information, as that is also a never-ending venture if you're not conscious of it. At this point it would be like a human reading book on how to be a human. Now is the time to experiment and play; the time for direct experience. I can see my own freedom, but there is a whole swathe of fear to cut through before I can truly reach it.
And WHEN I do, this whole year will have been worth it. In fact, it already is.
Worth more than a lifetime in any university or job.
Consciousness is where it's at, y'all.